Me: I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving.
Kristina: It’s good that you’re going to school though, you can cough on everyone. If you spread it to three people, it’ll go away. I swear.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Daaaaad… (holds him, makes a sad noise)
Dad: (in Chinese) Wtf man, you’re twenty-something, get it together.
Fabienne: Trip was so good. Jenny threw her neck from dancing so hard the first night.
Ava: PUT THAT POSITIVE ENERGY OUT THERE AND IT’S GONNA COME RIGHT BACK AT YOU
(Amy sends a dick pic)
Me: It isn’t even the kind I like, omg Amy, how could you?
Emily: What is happening?
Lauren: Kay fine, but why do I need to see his taint?
Amy: Hahahahaha, you added Amy to this convo, that’s what’s happening.
Amy: Silly gooses.
Dustin: Overheard at work: “Noo, it’s more like slash the throat and let the blood flow out.”
(At a terrible dim sum restaurant)
Dad: You can bring your white friends here.
Sinyi: Tyler and I have done two puzzles. And by that, I mean Sinyi did two.
Me: It will be fast, like that guy that left.
Amy: Which guy?
Me: Do you want some soup?
Kristina: Is it full of Xanax?
My Friends Say Things 