Elil: Michael, can you put on longer shorts? I can’t. I’ve known him for 10 years. He’s like my kid.
Author Archives: Irisa
Ivy: I should make a vision board.
Me: You keep saying that, have you made one yet?
Andy T: I honestly don’t know what to say. This is more confusing than the poop hole loophole theory that religious Christians or Catholics do to prevent pre-marital sex.
Me: We’re a subset within his set.
Sinyi: And he has a huge set.
Me: (nods)
Sinyi: …of BOOBS. (chuckles softly to self)
Flora: The great thing about [driving on] the streetcar tracks is that I don’t have to steer.
Me: I don’t fear for my life at all!
(Streetcar honks insanely)
Fabienne: What is thiiiiiiiiis??? What remix is this???
(At dvsn concert)
Hype Man: (to audience) If you don’t sing this, I will be upset.
Elil: (as Mike shouts continuously) Michael, I tutored you in high school, do not come for me. You passed English because of me.
Andy T: I ain’t no hoe that spends time in a kitchen ’cause that ain’t me.
(At the hospital)
Ava: (gasps) SOMEONE LEFT A KIT-KAT HERE!
Me: AVA!
Me: …is it wrapped?
Ava: (sing-song voice) It’s HALF-wrapped!!
My Friends Say Things 