(on Rae Sremmurd)
Jess: They were probably on drugs or something because they came out and were like, “OH MY GOD, THIS ENERGY” but no one was there.
Author Archives: Irisa
(on Kristin Cavallari’s shitty jewelry line)
Lilly: You’re going to be eating your spam and your ear is going to fall off and you’re gonna be like, “shit.”
Peter: (turns to me) So, how’s your love life?
Daryl, Becca and me: (immediately chokes)
Daryl: Wait, how old am I? 23? 24?
Me: 24.
Daryl: 24.
Brittany: You do that laugh when you’re trying to hold it in. You need to stop, it’s so creepy.
Me: Just realized it’s ButterFREE because Ash set it FREE.
Chris: No, it’s BUTTERfree so he only uses margarine.
Beata: You’ll do great and we’ll reward you with noodles.
(Horn honks in office, mild confusion ensues)
Me: (runs over, looks at Angela)
Angela: I’m sorry. I cannot say. I am not an authorized spokesperson, please contact my PR firm. (hands me business card)
(following up on a lead with no reply)
Me: I hope he’s okay…
Sabrina: You’re sweet. You’re like, “I hope he’s not dead,” meanwhile I’m like, “WHERE IS HE?!?!?!?!”
Rui: Today, I care but one day, I won’t and tomorrow is the start of that one day.
