(On Shake Shack vs. In-and-Out)
Mojan: Who the FUCK is voting for Shake Shack? I’m going to lose my mind. THIS is why the ice caps are melting.
Author Archives: Irisa
Dustin: Why even chase girls for heartbreak when you can be a Toronto sports fan?
Mom: I need to learn where that purple yam potato man came from.
Me: What?
Mom: The purple guy that looks like a yam, the bad guy.
Me: ….
Me: OH, Thanos!!
Daryl: So you’re betting that your firstborn child will be a female.
Me: Yes.
Daryl: And I’m betting it will be male.
Me: Yes.
Daryl: What are we betting?
Me: My firstborn child.
Don: I call him The Great Leader because his hair is like Kim Jong Il.
Uber driver: (rolls down window and shouts at neighbouring car) My music is better!
Me: (forgets to clip one fingernail)
Kevin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, some people intentionally leave one fingernail long for—
Me: Oh yeah, cocaine and boogers!
Kevin:
Me:
Kevin: …boxes…
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I ruin it again?
Bessie: YES.
Fabienne: The straights have ruined it again.
Zoe: It’s problematic how hot he is.
Sinyi: Every day that we don’t die is a great day!
