Melanie: Remember my Fashion Nova jacket?
Amy: It was UGLY.
Me: No?
Jess: It was rose gold. You were there.
Amy: She wore it clubbing. You were there.
Jess: You were there.
Amy: You were there.
Tag Archives: Jess
Jess: They kicked her!
Laura: She should’ve kicked them back.
Jess: So you’re saying she should’ve kicked the kid back.
Jess: He has Instagram but hasn’t posted in three years.
Winston: I follow The Rock and that’s it.
Jess: Yo, so when we were in Halong Bay, we turned on the AC and it smelled like shit.
Jess: (leans in close to my face) PURE. SHIT.
Jess: Yo, so the other night, the floor on top of us was fighting and we just hear the girl yell on top of her lungs, “YOU ARE A LIAAAAAAAAAARRR!”
Jess: Yo, there’s a tick and when it bites you, you become allergic to red meat.
All: (horrified silence)
Linda: It’s a vegetarian bug! It’s going to save our planet!
Jess: Yo, Vietnam was so hot, I didn’t get bitten once. The mosquitoes were like, “fuck that, I’m going somewhere else.”
Jess: (reads box) What kind of cookies are these? Square.
Jess: (opens box) Wtf, these aren’t even square.
Jess: Oh yeah… We’re also growing a frickin’ avocado seed.
(on Rae Sremmurd)
Jess: They were probably on drugs or something because they came out and were like, “OH MY GOD, THIS ENERGY” but no one was there.
My Friends Say Things 