Jess: That guy needs lane assist.
Winston: He doesn’t need lane assist, he just needs two eyes that work.
Tag Archives: Jess
Sinyi: 80-90% of the cabinets are soft-close.
Me and Jess: (gasps)
Jess: She likes ice because she likes drinking water, but she also likes the unpredictable nature of where the ice will go.
Me: Wow, gamified water drinking.
Jess: AHHHHHHH!!
Me: Wait no, you knew this.
Jess: My back cracked for you in excitement!
Me: You’re a Taurus rising. Tauruses have their shit together.
Jess: No, no, no…
Me: You literally have a house.
Jess: Amy has this saying, “life is lice,” and no one really knows what it means… but you know the vibe of what it means.
Me: Oh wow, our order is very seafood themed.
Jess: More like CAN’T seafood because I can’t see my food ’cause it still isn’t here yet.
Jess: We only went out one night and by 1:00am, we were like, can we go home and watch the R. Kelly documentary?
(South of the Border starts playing)
Me: I be Ed Sheeran, you be Camila Cabello.
Jess: OH GOD NO!
My Friends Say Things 