Fabienne: Chinese mushrooms, Italian mushrooms, I’m not racist. I hate them all.
Tag Archives: greatest hits
Sanila: You can’t be an asshole AND ugly!! That’s not okay!
Me: Hey, do we have any bandaids?
Colleague: No, we don’t even have a first aid kit. Apparently, it’s a liability.
Me: Wait, isn’t NOT having one a liability in itself??
Colleague: (leans in, loudly whispers) THIS PLACE IS A SHIT SHOW.
Colleague: Don’t put that on your blog.
Norman: IKEA BREAKFAST ISN’T $1 ANYMORE. WTF. I AM GENUINELY ANGRY. MY WORLD IS FALLING APART. EVERYTHING I KNOW AND LOVE HAS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN.
Daryl: I was supposed to have a brother but he died when my mom played Laser Quest.
Me: Timothy, Calvin’s defending his thesis tomorrow.
Timmy: Who’s attacking it?
Me: Omg, did you find a surrogate mother?
Timmy: Why?
Me: Because as far as I know, you are not allowed to make dad jokes yet.
Mojan: Sounds like they’re looking for a potato, not a woman.
My Friends Say Things 