Me: There’s a ten-hour loop of Voldemort laughing on Youtube.

Becca: I know, you posted it on my wall years ago.

Becca: Oh, it’s not on Gmail, it’s on Outlook.

Me: Ew.

Me: I died that night.

Becca: Was that the time you woke up with calamari in your mouth?

Me: Yeah.

Becca: Heavy is the head that wears the critical thinking crown.

Me: Do you want me to host a Bachelorette dating thing for you?

Becca: First of all, do you even know any men? Like straight men?

Me: How dare you.

Becca: It’s—wait, I was gonna say it’s Friday but it’s not.

Me: It’s literally Tuesday. Wait no, it’s Wednesday.

Becca: Out of the three of us, you are the only one that can show your ass without being weird about it.

Me: Are you okay?

Becca: I keep finding meat crumbs on me.