Dustin: My brain’s so empty right now.
Me: Oh my god, what’s that like?
Dustin: Uhhhhhhh…
Scott: No, he’s now the second seat for Red Bull.
Me: Isn’t there only one seat in the car?
Jess: Is it like second clarinet?
Scott: …yes.
Me: You know that dress that was either white and gold, or blue and black?
Andy: You mean purple and brown?
Me: I unlocked a free month of Ancestry.com through UberEats? What in the dystopian hell?
Don: Yay!!!!
Dustin: Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to stupidity.
Becca: Maybe it’s weaponized incompetence.
Dustin: He’s so stupid it went back to malice.
Sinyi: It’s like that parenting meme: you don’t want to sleep like a baby, you want to sleep like a dad.
Don: You forgot your ring light but not Gong?
Becca: Didn’t it happen in the summer?
Me: NINE eleven.
Andy: He didn’t even stay dead. So did he really die for our sins?
Me: He got a refund.
Andy: He got a chargeback.
(Shaggy playing over the speakers)
Jenn: He said it wasn’t him, but it was in fact, him.
My Friends Say Things 