Sinyi: (over Facetime) I need to get an office chair. Your chair looks like it has great support.
Me: Uh, this is my bed.
Anon: He texted me, “WYD TN” on Friday and I was like, “YOU, WHAT TIME?”
Dustin: Sometimes I wonder if my humour translates in work or if people just think I’m a traumatized child.
Candice: And then I realized I don’t need a boyfriend, I just need dick once in a while.
Me: (sings)
Sean: Why are you doing this to us?
Me: Will men really destroy you?
Christine: Only if you let them.
Me: Oh my god, those are called LIFESAVERS? IS THAT WHY THOSE CANDIES ARE NAMED THAT?
Linda: Clearly a girl that’s never drowned before.
Ivy: It’s true. No one cares about accountants.
Fabienne: I wonder what Condoleezza Rice is up to these days.
Christine: It’s $150!!
Kathy: …did Jesus make it?
My Friends Say Things 