Me: And then we can go back after and open the prosecco.
Random guy in elevator: I wanna open the prosecco too.
Me: Oh, I need to give you my new address. Wait—
Becca: We live together.
Andy: That’s poop.
Me: And I ain’t talkin’ fecal matter.
Andy: What?
Me: Oh sorry, I was making some open-ended commentary for your interpretation.
Andy: Don’t make me work like that.
Me: Wow, you make me feel like anything is possible.
Becca: It’s IKEA.
Timmy: Never a good sign when the shop next to the scooter rental is a mortician.
Ivy: Are you twitching?
Iris: She’s chewing.
Me: I’M SMILING.
Me: There’s a lot of dog poop around.
Kaili: Hopefully dog…
Dustin: And she went to a party and Leo DiCaprio was there.
Becca: How old is she?
Dustin: 26.
Me and Becca: Ooh.
Anthony Jr.: It’s SZA. Get with the times.
Anthony Sr.: How can I possibly with the times?
Me: It’s almost the end of the year.
Ivy: Oh, I thought you were gonna say end of the—
Kevin: Tencent?
Ivy: —the world.
Kevin: Oh.
Ivy: Oh.
My Friends Say Things 