Andy: Portland? In California?
Me: Portland is in Oregon!
Girl: Excuse me, would you mind moving to a different computer? I like using this one.
Daryl: What?
Girl: I like using this computer.
Daryl: Um, no.
Girl: I’m asking politely.
Daryl: See if asking impolitely works.
Girl: (storms off to a different computer)
Andy: What are the symptoms of cramping?
Qiqi: ….you just feel pain.
Qiqi: You were just passed out on the ground so this guy offered to lift you up for us.
Me: That’s so nice of him.
Qiqi: Yeah, he was pretty cute actually. It would have been a cute story of how you guys met.
Me: !!
Qiqi: Yeah but then you woke up and jumped off him saying, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN!”
Richard: I’m just a super awkward small person in a tall person’s body.
Daryl: You’re right, she looks like one of those quiet Asian fobs that never moved in gym class.
Alvin: If I didn’t know you and I had your phone, I’d slip in a dick pic.
Jason: Jason’s a whore name.
Me: Have you ever been iced?
Chris: Yeah, I iced myself.
Qiqi: I’m FINE! I’M FINE! This is why I don’t hang out with people, no one sees me this early in the morning.
Me: It’s almost noon.
My Friends Say Things 