Ava: Your dad has side hoes. More than one phone = side hoes.
Kristina: I’m done emotionally for today. This fruit fly has put me over the edge.
Me: Ugh, I hope my eye infection is better by then.
Timmy: Just say you played badminton and got hit in the eye.
Mojan: Typical Buzzfeed. “I’m gonna fill the world with my non-contributory content but I’ll be darned if it’s not ethnically diverse.”
Jason: It’s always Christmas somewhere.
Me: Wait, no it’s not.
(watching TV)
Dad: (in Chinese) This group of women is so damn thirsty.
Timmy: Someone was like “omg, Irisa’s choker is so pretty.” I was like, that’s a shoelace LOL
Sinyi: Man, that plant looks really happy to be alive. I wish I was that happy… Damn, I want to be as happy as an inanimate plant…
Andy: Portland? In California?
Me: Portland is in Oregon!
Girl: Excuse me, would you mind moving to a different computer? I like using this one.
Daryl: What?
Girl: I like using this computer.
Daryl: Um, no.
Girl: I’m asking politely.
Daryl: See if asking impolitely works.
Girl: (storms off to a different computer)
