Lana: So he gets all these girls. He was a banker, but now he’s in PE.
Me: PHYSICAL EDUCATION?
Everyone else: PRIVATE EQUITY.
Amanda: Sweet pickles are gross. They’re stupid pickles.
Rudder: This is probably the most chestnut-ty food I’ve ever tasted, including chestnuts.
Sinyi: I’ve likened you to an incredibly talented cat before.
Kristina: You just gotta do you, boo. Forever and always.
Jess: Guys, GUYS, he has another story. Like this guy’s FUGLY but HE GETS ALL THE GIRLS.
Sanila: She was like, “I wanted to go to Shake Shack” and that was the main reason she got her passport.
(On Justin Bieber’s “One Less Lonely Girl”)
Amy Z: I genuinely thought this was a girl. I was like, damn that is SO progressive.
Quyen: My mom thought I got plastic surgery on my face, but I just lost weight. She saw me and was like, “did you get your cheeks done?” I was like, “Mom no. I’m a broke-ass student. I just lost weight.”
Me: (sings)
Ivy: Stop, you’re actually hurting me.
My Friends Say Things 