Fabienne: This is such a gay party.
Me: What did you expect? You announced me as “The Straight.”
Fabienne: (shrugs and nods)
Me: So you sued him?
Don: Yes.
Me: And won?
Don: Yes.
Me: Good, none of my bitches sue and lose.
(on Marc Gasol)
Michael: That’s right, you can’t dunk on The Wall.
Me: People call him The Wall?
Michael: ….I call him The Wall.
Me: Saddle up, kiddos. Your girl’s going for a ride. Yeehaw seesaw.
Dustin: I love the spirit but that sounds like those last words before you actually go to jail.
Holly: Harry, you’ve been very rude today. Let go of the pumpkin seeds. Live, laugh, love.
Me: I just have to think of a way to frame it nicely.
Dustin: “Aite I ain’t tryna be no snitch right. But these two clowns be bitches man, what da fuk.”
(at a club)
Bessie: (slaps my arm) STOP YAWNING.
Ying: Finance bro. Probably wears a fleece vest.
Sinyi: (drops an orange) OH NO, MY ORANGE!
Sinyi: (turns to Sean) Do you want an orange?
(on the Night King)
Me: That ugly dude.
Daryl: What ugly dude?
Me: The king of the dead.
Daryl: He’s a good looking dude, don’t do him like that.
Daryl: (Googles pic) see? He’s good looking.
Me: Okay okay, fine. He’s good looking… I feel like you took that personally.
My Friends Say Things 