(At the resort)
Sanila: I want to take this stick of butter home with me.
Me: ….no, goyle.
Guy in Aisle Seat: (turns to me) I think we got lucky.
Guy Entering Middle Seat: The dream dies with me.
Me: No, Shoerack! She broke a shoerack with her face!
Sinyi: I thought she broke a wall.
Jenn: No, that was me.
Don: Disregard my areola comment.
Me: Oh my god, what happened to your back?
Fab: I pulled it…. Doing physio exercises for my fucking left knee.
Andy: LET ME SPEAK MY TRUTH!
Becca: Wait, elaborate.
Andy: No, I will not.
Me: Oh, it’s a comedy?
Gabe: Not if you watch it today.
Deshi: My Italian coworker’s such a hater, I can’t wait for his reaction.
Me: Oh no, babe, you wouldn’t be conscripted, you’re colourblind!
Andy: That’s what I’m sayin’.
Mom: Are you sure? The cake had dairy, you’ll fart on the plane.
Ivy: That’s other people’s problem.
Mom: That’s true.
My Friends Say Things 