Me: Is that Criss Angel?
Rebecca: Is that what Criss Angel looks like?
Me: No.
Author Archives: Irisa
Fab: I heard a sound, I thought it was rain but it’s fine.
Me: Is it from the recesses of your mind?
Fab: …No, this building’s just old.
Ally: And he said dinner was on him and well, it should’ve been anyway.
Callie: My sister HAS slapped me with a loaf of bread before.
Fab: And I was, yep you look like someone who would leave skid marks.
Andy: But uh, yeah, at least you’re not doing TikTok dances so things aren’t as bad as it could be.
(On men buying us drinks)
Me: But also, I feel bad. Wait, no—
Ally and Me: (in unison) the patriarchy.
Fab: The writing was really bad.
Me: Yeah.
Fab: Too bad she’s a writer.
Me: My friend says, “she has the perfect head.”
Sanila: That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.
Val: Shabbat shalom, bitches.
Val’s mom: Shabbat shalom.
Val: …bitches.
