Author Archives: Irisa

Dustin: I’m scared of birds, man. Once they peck your eyes out, it’s game over.

Iris: One time, I was late because Dad forgot me in the car.

Lana: So he gets all these girls. He was a banker, but now he’s in PE.

Me: PHYSICAL EDUCATION?

Everyone else: PRIVATE EQUITY.

Amanda: Sweet pickles are gross. They’re stupid pickles.

Rudder: This is probably the most chestnut-ty food I’ve ever tasted, including chestnuts.

Sinyi: I’ve likened you to an incredibly talented cat before.

Kristina: You just gotta do you, boo. Forever and always.

Jess: Guys, GUYS, he has another story. Like this guy’s FUGLY but HE GETS ALL THE GIRLS.

Sanila: She was like, “I wanted to go to Shake Shack” and that was the main reason she got her passport.

(On Justin Bieber’s “One Less Lonely Girl”)

Amy Z: I genuinely thought this was a girl. I was like, damn that is SO progressive.