Jenn: Gluten-free lap dances. Only in Portland.
Author Archives: Irisa
Lauren: Quyen thought I was actually a mom, but I was like, no just emotionally.
Me: Want me to kill him?
Andy T: He’s in NYC!
Me: What!
Andy T: He’s an investment banker.
Me: So he’s already killing himself.
Both: AYYYYYYYY!!! (cheers)
Kristina: There is no need to run. Like, why is she running? Is there a fire? Even if there was, leave me here to die.
Andrew: Michelle Obama’s my best friend.
Emily: I don’t believe you.
Andrew: Why?
Emily: ‘Cause you’re a lying bitch.
Me: Whatever happened to Madonna?
Becca: She’s old.
Sinyi: How could you do that to yourself? How could anyone live like that?
Me: What, not have Snapchat?
Fabienne: So I wrote back, “I am a lesbian. Rainbow emoji.”.
Me: Will he understand that?
Fabienne: That’s why I added the rainbow emoji.
Flora: You just need him to understand “your Uber is here”, ya know? I just need that bare minimum of intelligence.
Andy: It’s everyday, bro.
Andy: I regret saying that already.
