(eating donuts)
Amy: These are not good.
Me: These are… a solid 6 out of 10.
Amy: That’s generous.
Me: I’m a giver.
Amy: If that’s your scale, I’m afraid to see your mans.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Jenn! Cookies!
Jenn B: (glances up from desk)
Me: Oh no, right, gluten.
Jenn B: Yep. I miss cookies. And it’s the soft ones that do the most damage, too.
Me: And they’re the most delicious ones too…
Jenn B: The ones you want the most do the most damage.
Me: Like men….
Holly: I would risk my life for a cookie right now.
Jessica: I’ll get a McEwan unicorn cake!
Zaitoon: Omg do it.
Zaitoon: But also, what is that?
(leaving a party)
Me: He was kinda weird….
Timmy: Yeah, let’s go talk about him in the car.
Me: I wore green pants yesterday, the ones that ripped. By the end of the day, the entire seam opened.
Marcus: What’s wrong with you.
Lil Stevie: It’s okay, birthday calories don’t count!
Me: It’s YOUR birthday!
Lil Stevie: Shhh, my birthday’s universal.
Me: He had a dad bod, though.
Ava: Ooooh, yeah.
Me: What?
Ava: There isn’t a part of you that’s like, “Oh yeah, jiggle?”
Me: (laughs uncontrollably)
Ava: I have made a terrible mistake.
Me: Okay, that will be our backup plan.
Karishma: …
Me: …
Karishma: But then what is our MAIN PLAN?!?!
Rebecca: I’m a Sagittarius.
Nazariel: (loud gasp)
Rebecca: I know. It’s a lot.
My Friends Say Things 