Calvin: If you name spiders, it’s less scary. Like maybe, the spider’s name last night is Chad. Chad is just trying to chill.
Author Archives: Irisa
Karishma: The husband doesn’t complain.
Anviksha: WHY WOULD HE COMPLAIN?
Zoe: There’s a really funny interview with 2 Chainz where they’re like, “Do you always feel this pressure to wear two chains?”
Fabienne: She’s like… heteroflexible? So like mostly straight?
Bessie: That’s a thing?
Fabienne: That’s a thing.
(On Shake Shack vs. In-and-Out)
Mojan: Who the FUCK is voting for Shake Shack? I’m going to lose my mind. THIS is why the ice caps are melting.
Dustin: Why even chase girls for heartbreak when you can be a Toronto sports fan?
Mom: I need to learn where that purple yam potato man came from.
Me: What?
Mom: The purple guy that looks like a yam, the bad guy.
Me: ….
Me: OH, Thanos!!
Daryl: So you’re betting that your firstborn child will be a female.
Me: Yes.
Daryl: And I’m betting it will be male.
Me: Yes.
Daryl: What are we betting?
Me: My firstborn child.
Don: I call him The Great Leader because his hair is like Kim Jong Il.
Uber driver: (rolls down window and shouts at neighbouring car) My music is better!
My Friends Say Things 