(on healthcare)
Emily: Well, I mean, some people get treated and not everyone dies, so I guess something is working.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Are we old?
Mojan: Ummmm… Our eggs are definitely dying.
Brian: I’m going to start micro-dosing. I work in food, I can’t have this.
Me: You’re going to start micro-dosing PECANS?
Brian: Yeah.
Jenn: And it was great because when she was all like, “CAW! CAW!” and flapping her wings, she also shat herself.
Dustin: You know when you, like, sprain your ankle and the swelling comes down, it just feels like… droopy for a bit?
Dustin: Like it’s just held onto the stub of your leg like with a few strings?
Me: Dude. No.
Stan: I stepped in something.
Stan: (picks it up) What is this? Was this in someone’s ass?
Brian: Can we find a patio with shade?
Deshi: And AC?
Me: So like, indoors.
Anthony: Why are you working so hard still?
Restaurant Owner: I want money. I like money. No money, no honey, okay?
Calvin: BOOOOOO!
Me: Wait, why are you booing?
Calvin: I don’t know.
(Horrifying scene comes on TV)
Me: Aiyah! Don’t look, don’t look! (covers Dad’s eyes)
Dad: Don’t look? What age do you think I am?
