Kaili: I’ll let you know how it goes. His texts are in green, so you know he’s Android.
Author Archives: Irisa
Daryl: Ya boy’s out here getting Lasik today. Gonna send updates throughout the day documenting the process. If you don’t want updates please reply saying so, thanks.
Brian: Let’s get some shots up in here.
Me: (turns around laptop) Shot list!
Sai: Yes!
Brian: I hate you. BOO!
Ivy: I hate Spongebob. His voice makes me want to literally punch a sponge.
Amy: Here are the hot spots for Lyme disease.
Me: Are we in danger?
Amy: We’re always in danger.
Val: She’s so quiet but she says the freakiest things like, “Val, have you ever taken it up the a**?”
Me: And I was like, I love you but fuck off.
Daniel: That should be on a t-shirt.
Me: Would you ever do it again?
Stan: No, never.
Me: For a million dollars?
Stan: Yeah.
(on a recent Uber ride)
Anu: He was asking me questions like, “vere are you going?” and “vhy are you here?” And he was playing some famous Bollywood song like, “Deeesiii girl, Deeesssiii girl,” and trying to seduce me. I gave him a one star rating.
Calvin: Is that someone digging into a mango?
Me: It was pornographic fruit art???
Calvin: Oh, LOL, that went over my head. Was like… why smash some good fruit?
My Friends Say Things 