Kanu: You have really nice eyebrows.
Razi: Thanks, bro.
Author Archives: Irisa
Andy: And I was like, “That’s a big bitch right there.” And he thought I was referring to a person, but it was just a bird in front of us.
Mom: We can wait until Ivy graduates.
Me: I don’t think she wants to go to Vegas.
Mom: Not her, me.
Don: Maybe that’s why you like spreadsheets so much. Because your moon’s a Virgo.
Ally: And I was watching his Snap Stories.
Me: And?
Ally: And we all make our decisions. Some better than others.
Angela: So now he decided he’s in love with you? That’s so corny and so stupid.
Kevin: So recently, I discovered that if I mix my vanilla whey protein with juice, it tastes like a creamsicle.
Ivy: That is literally my worst nightmare.
Me: I almost choked and shat myself at the same time.
Andy: (sees baked bean spring roll) That’s disgusting. Jesus left the chat.
Val: I’m losing my shit! Losing it!
Stan: Where did it go?
Jess: Yo, there’s a tick and when it bites you, you become allergic to red meat.
All: (horrified silence)
Linda: It’s a vegetarian bug! It’s going to save our planet!
My Friends Say Things 