Jess: Yo, in Prague, a bird shat on me so big, I thought someone threw a rotten tomato at me.
Tag Archives: Jess
Jess: Oh ma GAWD, I’m ordering that too guuuuuurl!!
Me: I told you what I was ordering!
Jess: Oh WHAT! Oh sorry, I wasn’t listening. I was just like, “oh ya ya”.
Lana: So he gets all these girls. He was a banker, but now he’s in PE.
Me: PHYSICAL EDUCATION?
Everyone else: PRIVATE EQUITY.
Jess: Guys, GUYS, he has another story. Like this guy’s FUGLY but HE GETS ALL THE GIRLS.
(On her mother)
Jess: The first time my brother brought friends over, she made them do homework. He was like, “they’ll never come back now!!”
Jess: So Winston and I accidentally went to a vegan convention.
Jess: Switzerland is good for skiing and old people.
Me: We can take Sinyi sky diving.
Jess: YOU can.
Me: Oh my god, Guy Fieri has sauce?
Jess: Ew, he’s so nasty. He’s a nasty person.
(Summarizing Big Hero Six)
Jess: Yeah, the brother dies. But Baymaaaaax, BAYMAX!!!!
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