Chris: I like your (points at eyelid) mascara. Makeup. Blush. Rouge.

Me: Eyeshadow.

Chris: Nailed it.

Me: Just realized it’s ButterFREE because Ash set it FREE.

Chris: No, it’s BUTTERfree so he only uses margarine.

(FRIENDS theme song plays)

Chris: Did I mention I can play this song on the tuba?

Me: Yes, extensively.

Chris: I like your eyeshadow. You look like a sexy raccoon.

Chris: Are there any good donut spots in Richmond Hill?

Me: No, we can go to Tim Hortons?

Chris: NO I’D RATHER DIE

Chris: My butt can never be contained.

Chris: I’m bootylicious, girl.

Me: My family calls me something no one else will ever call me.

Chris: Stinky butt hole?

Chris: If you’re not talking Lady Gaga, I don’t want to hear about it.

Chris: Your skin looks like porcelain. You look like a sexy bathtub.