Christine: Don’t do it!! And if you do, don’t get caught, motherfucker!!!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Christine: What?

Me: I accidentally pressed an ad for DIAPERS!!!! Now Google is going to think I HAVE A BABY!!!!!!

Christine: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: I don’t know why, but this just adds to this feeling of uneasiness that I have.

Christine: I have that too. It’s called anxiety.

(phone buzzes)

Christine: OOOH, booty call?

Me: No, UberEats.

Me: I’m just looking at jeans right now.

Christine: JEANS? (scoffs) Bottoms.

Me: You can’t NAP?

Christine: NO!

Me: That’s literally one of my greatest joys in life.

Christine: I know. I don’t know what that feels like.

Christine: They’re scarier because they’re smart. I’d rather date a fuckboy because they’re dumb af.

Me: (misting plant in the sun) Wow, you’re getting so much love today! Just kidding, you get this much love every day!!

Christine: …wow.

Me: Where does time go?

Christine: TikTok.