Timmy: (cuts open bell pepper) How can something so beautiful on the outside be so ugly on the inside?

Me: Okay, let’s.

Timmy: Let’s. Potato chips.

Timmy: Irisa, are you happy with your current pillow?

Me: Who is making you do this?

Me: You’ll be so proud of me. I successfully parked backing in and didn’t have to adjust a million times.

Timmy: And the Nobel prize goes to…

Timmy: How can a man be a manslut? Oh wait, I get it now.

Timmy: Oh yay! My friend’s party got cancelled, now I don’t have to go!

Me: Ugh, I hope my eye infection is better by then.

Timmy: Just say you played badminton and got hit in the eye.

Timmy: Someone was like “omg, Irisa’s choker is so pretty.” I was like, that’s a shoelace LOL