Deshi: Being a woman is terrifying.
Me: It’s the worst thing ever.
Val: I still haven’t accepted it.
Stan: (chimes in) Me too.
Tag Archives: Stan
Val: (points at stain)
Stan: I’m a dirty, dirty man.
Stan: I already ate all these things. When I eat the toast, it’s going to fall on top of the food that’s already in my stomach and make a sandwich.
Stan: Do you think Drake f*cks with his own music in the background?
Me and Val: (in unison) Yes.
Stan: I don’t know if they were doing drugs, they were just chilling in the bathroom like lost sheep.
Stan: (climbs up to a high place)
Me: Stan! No, we can’t lose you!
Joseph: No one said that when I climbed up!!
All: (silence)
Stan: That’s something you brought to the team.
Me: What?
Stan: Belching.
(on creating social media content)
Me: I just don’t want there to be comments like—
Deshi: Make controversy, that’s engagement.
Stan: Did you see the way her eyes just lit up?
Razi: So while I have you guys here, I want to tell you guys about this idea Stan and I have. We’re going to have an egg stand.
Me and Val: (uncontrollable laughter)
Sai: I want to laugh, but I can’t.
Razi: And we’ll be in the financial district in the morning, a dollar an egg, that’s all we’ll do. We’ll be called Cracked.
Val: No.
Razi: And you know how people have hot dog stands? We’ll be in an eggshell.
Stan: I stepped in something.
Stan: (picks it up) What is this? Was this in someone’s ass?
My Friends Say Things 