Rui: His name is Joe. He was a drug dealer-turned-realtor.

Rui: You even dressed for the occasion!

Me: I did, thank you for noticing!

Rui: Why wouldn’t I notice an outfit? What do you think I am, straight?

(Alarm goes off)

Rui: Oh, fuck off.

Rui: You’re not going to find a perfect guy because let’s face it, we’re the perfect ones in their lives.

Rui: How harsh are we to ourselves to think that the worst thing to happen in a relationship is our potential partner seeing us in a bad light?

Rui: With the amount of money they spent on their cars, they could’ve spent it on their face.

Rui: Oh good, the wind is blowing backwards, I can fart.

Me: Are you okay?

Rui: I’M GOOD. But it’s everyone else that is a mess right now.

Rui: Would you trust a baguette from a convenience store? I would fight with it because it’s stale.

Rui: Today, I care but one day, I won’t and tomorrow is the start of that one day.