Me: Did you just flex your butt?

Ray: Yes.

(On playing Monopoly)

Ray: It’s like, why would you give him New York Avenue?? You saw what he did last time!

Me: Where’s the groom?

Ray: (laughs)

Me: Are you gyrating?

Ray: I’m trying.

Ray: Everything in my life is grey.

Me: You are literally wearing a neon yellow shirt.

Ray: Have you considered pursuing art?

Me: Oh man, imagine if I could actually make a living and take care of my family by pursuing art.

Ray: All you have to do is cut off your ear.

Random man: (screams)

Ray: Tacos does that to people.

Me: You should go play Mario Kart and make some friends.

Ray: There are no friends in Mario Kart. Only competition.

Ray: Anything and anywhere you want.

Ray: Except Harlem. That’s too damn far.