Quyen: I love that she’s also petite.

Me: 5’1”!

Quyen: My height! I’m Lady Gaga, bitches.

Quyen: I’m the worst Asian stereotype. I’m bad at math but amazing at parallel parking.

Quyen: OOOoOOh, cashier’s kinda cute.

Me: He’s gay.

Quyen: Awwwww…

Quyen: And I was like, those aren’t Yeezys. Those are just ripped clothes you’re wearing.

Me: I’m concerned. There is something wrong with him if he is 6’3″, a doctor and single at 39.

Quyen: Yeah, there is. He’s an only child, narcissistic at times, [has] daddy issues.

Quyen: But isn’t he beautiful?

Me: Oh my god.

Quyen: Watching boomers do video calls is so precious.

Quyen: And then he kissed me and it was all teeth and I was like, uuuhhhhhhhh……

Me: Things have been complicated since then.

Quyen: When is it not?

Quyen: Girl, you let me know. I got the money AND I’m willing to run away so…

Quyen: He asked me for money so I’m like, “Who’s your daddy now?”