Mojan: She’s lazy and condescending, which is my least favourite combo.

Mojan: In the words of Cardi B, I won’t let these hoes bother me.

Mojan: Such a dream job, and I didn’t have to suck a single dick to get here.

Mojan: We went house viewing and the decorator had put stock photos of a white family all around the house.

Mojan: Sometimes, I just wait for a lull in the conversation and mumble, “Steve thinks I’m fat” sadly. No one laughs but the looks of horror are funny to me.

Mojan: I have a joke and the punch line is coleslaw but I forgot.

Us: How’s your food?

Mojan: It had snow peas but was called “Summer Ravioli” so like, what’s the truth really?

Mojan: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Mojan: Dishes.

Me: Dishes who?

Mojan: Dishes Sean Connery.

Me: That’s not funny, why are you crying?