Me: Wait, you’ve never had peanut butter?

Marcus: I’m allergic. I don’t die. Just vomit. Let’s move on.

Me: I wore green pants yesterday, the ones that ripped. By the end of the day, the entire seam opened.

Marcus: What’s wrong with you.

Me: You know what will never be a mistake? Chicken fingers for dinner.

Marcus: Not if you’re a chicken.

Marcus: Are you Garfield?

Me: I do like lasagna.

Marcus: You look like you do.