Kristina: I have an enemy named Christina because as you remember, my life’s a joke.

Kristina: I read your blog to read myself, I’m not gonna lie.

Kristina: If aliens were to come down to earth, I would show them Vanderpump Rules for them to learn about us.

Kristina: If you go in with low expectations, it can only go up from there.

Kristina: I don’t know. It’s hard out there for a pimp.

Me: Yeah, and then maybe I’ll trick some dude into marrying and providing for me. Then I just won’t move anymore.

Kristina: Hearing you say these things make me so proud. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I feel like I’ve had a good influence on you.

Kristina: Me and Trixie have the same sense of humour. It’s concerning, but also kinda nice.

Kristina: Did you know, when pigeons eat rice, they explode? That’s why you shouldn’t throw rice at weddings.

Me: (shocked silence)

Kristina: It’s true.

Kristina: Once you turn 26, your life is over.