Ivy: Why are you trying to prevent scurvy? Are you a pirate?

Me: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!

Ivy: No, this is the first time I asked if you were a pirate, you need to fix yourself if this is a reoccurring question.

(At the airport)

Ivy: Is someone bringing a whole ass TV?

Me: Mmm, I see.

Ivy: No, you don’t. You don’t have your glasses! Heeheehee!

Ivy: Anyway, she asked me to be her maid of honour, but she doesn’t even have a boyfriend.

Ivy: I just farted really loud.. did your mic pick that up?

Ivy: So my friend was in Mexico for three weeks and she didn’t know about the convoy and came back during the peak of it while there was a standoff with the RCMP. She was like, why are there horses everywhere?

Ivy: Do I have a colon? Do you?

Me: Yes.

Ivy: I wasn’t sure if it was a male/female thing.

Ivy: You know, he’s really active in those protests but I see he’s just been windsurfing lately.

Ivy: Just so you know, Kubi is well taken care of. Sitting like a king. And I’m the throne.