Chris: How was that shirt $800? What was the brand again? Macchiato?

Me: Moschino.

Chris: Mosquito?

Chris: My parents grounded me once because I bought too many Captain Underpants books at the Scholastic book fair.

(on spikeball)

Me: Do people just have a mini trampoline handy?

Chris: No, you have to buy the trampoline specifically for this game. White people just don’t have this shit laying around.

Chris: Goddamn, gurl.

Chris: Gurl with a U so you can infer my tone.

Me: Yo, I just got my credit score for my lease and it WENT UP! So exciting!

Chris: Your credit score is now as white as your skin!