Dustin: If I get roofied, take me home and do nothing to my body.

Dustin: One time, I was at LCBO and I was trying to buy Prosecco but I kept calling it Percocet and the lady was like, “oh no, no you can’t get that here.”

Dustin: It’s times like this where I wish I didn’t give up my future in basketball to pursue dreams of coding.

Dustin: You know, people make fun of Floyd Mayweather for not being able to read, but if I could make a few million dollars, I’d give up literacy too.

Dustin: I feel like I matured, not because of the growth of my character, but because the fact I just ate two cinnamon rolls alone in public without giving two fucks.

Me: What about veg?

Dustin: I can’t eat my food’s food, Irisa. My food needs it to grow.

Dustin: Overheard at work: “Noo, it’s more like slash the throat and let the blood flow out.”