Me: (sighs deeply and gazes off into distance)

Christine: Are you thinking about your boyfriend?

Me: No, I was just on the Zero Waste Toronto Facebook group and someone asked about sodastreams and there was a comment about how it’s an ethically compromised company because PepsiCo bought them.

Christine: …oh.

Me: Why is she so mean?

Christine: Because she’s an accountant so she’s bitter.

Christine: We only twerk when we’re sad. It cheers us up.

Christine: It’s like when people say “birthday cake.” All cakes are birthday cakes if you have them on your birthday…

Me: I wish I could work for the FBI.

Christine: You just break in and tell them like, look I hacked your firewall.

Me: I think… I think that’s a federal offence. Like a felony.

Christine: Yeah but you got their attention, right?

(Loud banging on neighbour’s door)

Me: Do you hear that?

Christine: Yeah.

Both: ……

Me: Let’s just mind our own business.

Christine: Yeah.

Christine: (comes into room) Um…. So what kind of dress code is casual sexy?

Me: Will men really destroy you?

Christine: Only if you let them.

Me: (bursts into uncontrollable laughter)

Christine: What happened?

Me: (continues laughing hysterically)

Christine: Are you okay? I’ll wait.