Me: He had a dad bod, though.
Ava: Ooooh, yeah.
Me: What?
Ava: There isn’t a part of you that’s like, “Oh yeah, jiggle?”
Me: (laughs uncontrollably)
Ava: I have made a terrible mistake.
Tag Archives: Ava
Ava: Finished the pint of gelato I bought for myself yesterday. I’m ashamed.
Ava: But also not. It was good.
Ava: Welcome to California, where there is an entire section for dog strollers.
Ava: It’s December. Ho ho HOE.
Ava: I’m gonna pretend I don’t know anything because most of the time, I don’t.
Ava: I love your office! It’s so modern and pretty.
Me: It’s so big.
Ava: It’s like, chaotic neutral.
Ava: Venus is in retrograde. I take these readings very seriously.
Me: You don’t pay for these, do you?
Ava: No, I saw it off a Snapchat story.
(At the hospital)
Ava: (gasps) SOMEONE LEFT A KIT-KAT HERE!
Me: AVA!
Me: …is it wrapped?
Ava: (sing-song voice) It’s HALF-wrapped!!
Ava: Fuck you, adversity.
Ava: That’s exactly what my dad says. He says people that share everything about their lives on Facebook aren’t stable.
My Friends Say Things 