Andy: Can you be my stock photo momager? Like Kris Jenner?
Me: Yes.
Don: And I was like, what did you forget at my house? And he was like, this. And then he kissed me.
(Teaching Deshi to twerk)
Val: Stick your tongue out, it helps.
Me: Well, Razi. If I was a bettin’ lady, I would say it looks like we are headed for a Conservative majority government. What are your thoughts?
Razi:
Razi: Yes. Yes.
Stan: That’s something you brought to the team.
Me: What?
Stan: Belching.
Val: I’m going keto for the month of October so I can stunt on my ugly cousins in Moscow.
Me: You be careful out there.
Ivy: YOU be careful out there. You’re in Toronto and I’m in Finland.
Ivy: Iunno man, the scariest thing I’ve seen all week was a man wearing a cowboy hat.
Calvin: Please don’t kill me. I’m, like, not even 30 yet. Please don’t kill me.
(looking for Uber)
Me: Is that a Jeep?
Kaili: Yeah, I think so.
Me: Yeah.
Poonam: ………………………that is definitely a Ford.
Me: (shows photo and laughs) Look at how high his socks are.
Daryl: I…. I-I wear…. (scoffs) …fuck you.
My Friends Say Things 